Ho,
ho, ho: The End Of
Racism And Sexism
By Mickey Z.
28 April, 2007
Countercurrents.org
The twin specters of racism and
sexism have plagued mankind, uh, humanity since caveman, uh, caveperson
days. Just when we thought we might have to endure another forty or
fifty thousand years of patriarchal white supremacy, along comes the
visionaries our planet has yearned for: Russell Simmons and Benjamin
Chavis.
Leaders of the influential Hip-Hop Summit Action Network, Simmons and
Chavis have put forth a solution so simple even a cracker, oops, an
uneducated white person might understand it. If a word offends you or
anyone you know, ban it. (Man, why didn't Malcolm X and Gloria Steinem
think of that?) In particular, our hip-hop heroes are targeting three
specific words. I'll write them now before they're outlawed: bitch,
ho, and nigger (a.k.a. the N-Word). Go ahead, beyotches, yell 'em long
and loud now because if society follows the sage advice of Messrs. Simmons
and Chavis, the next "ho" out of your mouth might get you
a taste of the Don Imus treatment.
"These three words should be considered with the same objections
to obscenity as 'extreme curse words,' " say Simmons and Chavis
but, in fairness, these two philosophers can't take all the credit.
The New York City Council, in its infinite wisdom, recently conjured
up a plan to end racism as we know it: ban niggers. I mean: ban "nigger."
(My bad.) What better way for elected officials to spread democracy
than to forbid the use of certain words? "Our internal discussions
with industry leaders are not about censorship," Simmons and Chavis
assure us.
I say, why stop with bitches, ho's, and niggers? Let's take this strategy
to its natural conclusion and ban "war" and "poverty"
and "rape" and "genocide" and "oppression,"
We'll even ban "global warming" if Al Gore promises to finally
shut his redneck mouth (all right, perhaps we'll ban "redneck,"
too). Shit, after only an hour or so of work, the planet will be a goddamned
equalitarian paradise and we can all get back to our couches, our flat-screens,
and our remote controls.
Of course, it's not all good
news. Like most prophets, Simmons and Chavis are facing resistance.
Dog breeders are really bitching, Samuel L. Jackson is petitioning for
a "nigga" exemption, and insiders are expecting to hear from
lawyers at the North Pole. It appears banning "ho" just might
present some copyright issues with a certain fat man in a red suit.
Oops, can I still say "fat"?
Mickey Z. can be found on the Web at http://www.mickeyz.net
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