Witless:
Ann Coulter's Junk Science
By Jennie and Phillip
Lightweis-Goff
10 July, 2006
Countercurrents.org
Ann Coulter wants this essay
to begin with a cheap shot about her appearance, her intelligence, or
her self-lauded faith. Such an insult would self-justify her recent
assertion to Lou Dobbs that there's far more name-calling on the left
than on the right. Let's leave the ugly jokes to those few critics who
call her a transsexual in lieu of making an argument. Coulter's faith,
the subject of her newest book Godless, should be of little concern
to her critics, though her devout remonstrations ought to reside in
the private sphere, where Christ said they belong. As for her mind,
her books provide no material with which to evaluate the merits of her
intelligence. Perhaps that says enough about her writing to qualify
as an insult.
The three adjectives often
tacked onto Coulter's name – Ann the Pretty, Ann the Witty, Ann
the Devout – are usually self-descriptions. Reading Coulter's
columns provides the occasional queasy thrill of seeing her refer to
herself in the third-person. In a column from August 2, 2004, she refers
to "Ann Coulter, the witty, vivacious Human Events columnist and
best-selling author." Later, putatively glam-checking the Democratic
National Convention, she longed for her "pretty-girl allies"
among the "hippie chick pie wagons they call 'women'" in liberal
circles. Her June 7, 2006 column – a shill for Godless –
swings wildly between "I" and "she." These days,
the first person of Coulter's writerly voice is a collective –
one part Coulter, two parts fan-boy, and one part PR flack. Perhaps
the fractions are more widely spaced, with any number of money-hungry
Random House execs in the mix. Everyone but the fact-checker is welcome
in this Three Faces of Eve-pastiche.
Though it was less than ten
years ago, it feels like decades since Coulter could make the pages
of Salon with rumors of a run for Congress. Coulter's shtick has aged
badly, and you can see her self-parody on the The Today Show and Hannity
& Colmes, where she all but sings Gypsy's "Let Me Entertain
You" to the cheap seats. Mercifully she omits the striptease. "Say
something crazy," the publicist in her head seems to utter, and
she always obliges. Her allegations that the Jersey Girls "enjoyed
their husband's deaths" fit this formula. The comments have been
played and replayed, while the mainstream media that Coulter purports
to loathe guarantees sales for her book. News junkies are struck with
the spectacle of Coulter responding to Cindy Sheehan, the Jersey Girls,
John Murtha, and other "professional victims" by claiming
that she's not allowed to respond to their claims. Coulter can never
resist marketing herself as an insurgent voice in the wilderness, despite
the fact that O'Reilly, Limbaugh, Hannity and others all fed on Sheehan
and the Jersey Girls long before she did.
Leaving aside the absurdity
that the above-italics illuminate, let's consider Coulter's words for
what they are. Calling them "mean" is meaningless. Essentially
Coulter claims that the "liberal doctrine of infallibility"
elevates figures to iconic status and inoculates left-wing sentiment
against criticism. If she wants to take down the ideologies in question,
Coulter has to first make a political argument. Claiming that Murtha
did not win his military honors honestly, that the Jersey Girls' husbands
were on the verge of divorcing them, and that Sheehan doesn't look good
in shorts are not political arguments. In her attempt to destroy the
alleged doctrine of infallibility, Coulter asserts that the aforementioned
activists "pull cheap parlor tricks to prevent any opposing arguments
from being heard." Were Coulter to make a real claim, she would
be welcomed to the public sphere to debate like the grown-ups do. Until
then, she's sitting at the kiddy table.
Deploying her trenchant misogynist
language, Coulter poses victimhood as a gender problem, with Republicans
championing manliness and virtue, while the left props up sobbing hysterical
women to do their bidding. But the right-wing has never been able to
resist the temptation of elevating the victim to spokesman. While most
people remember Coulter's post-9/11 demand to invade Arab countries,
kill their leaders, and convert them all to Christianity, few remember
that, as Keith Olbermann recently pointed out, she used the death of
her friend Barbara Olsen at the Pentagon as the warrant for this latter-day
Crusade. And, in her bizarrely named chapter "The Martyr: Willie
Horton" (wouldn't Michael Dukakis be the martyr for his lost shot
at the presidency?), she cannot resist lingering with fetishistic violence
on the ordeals of Cliff Barnes and Angela Miller, Horton's victims.
What would have been the solution to the failure of Dukakis's furlough
system? According to Coulter, all he had to do was meet with the victims
and talk policy. Like Sheehan at Bush's ranch in Crawford, Coulter is
hanging out at the Governor's Mansion, years after Dukakis left it,
demanding that he belatedly justify himself, as our current president
will not.
The notoriety of her remarks allows Coulter two rhetorical excesses
– the confident claim that she is a solitary voice against liberal
victimhood and, as she recently told Sean Hannity, the certainty that
no one will contest Godless's six chapters about science. These chapters,
mostly recycled bits of Michael Behe's critiques of Darwin, will indubitably
be absent from reviews and analysis. Few Americans actually know evolutionary
science, so someone as uninformed as Coulter sounds like an expert.
Consider her three-pronged definition of evolution, that "random
mutations of desirable attributes [and] natural selection weed…
out the 'less fit' animals… [and] lead… to the creation
of new species." Like most creationists, she relies heavily on
the strategic deployment of words like "random," "accident,"
and "mistake" to construct an ideology that challenges Christian
definitions of soul, purpose, and free will. Creationists swallow this
manipulation uncritically, failing to notice that all of those terms
are morally loaded. Evolution is not a religion, and it makes no value
judgments. Instead, it is a scientific model that describes millions
of years of the development of living forms. As Stephen J. Gould wrote,
religion and science are non-overlapping magisterial. Neither framework
satisfies the other's concerns.
Social Darwinism –
the prescriptive system that emerged primarily from the writings of
Herbert Spenser, the Milton Friedman of his day –is nonetheless
conflated with evolutionary biology in Godless. Coulter celebrates The
Bell Curve as pure science, though the authors Charles Murray and Richard
J. Hernstein were both implying the intellectual inferiority of African-Americans
long before their flawed methodology "proved" their prejudice.
Murray even acknowledged that their target audience was "well-meaning
whites" who feared that their belief in their own intellectual
superiority made them racist. Their financial backers included the baldly
racist Pioneer Fund and the laissez-faire advocates at the Bradley Foundation.
The Pioneer Fund in particular was an influential backer for eugenics
research in both America and Germany. Yet, after cheerleading for The
Bell Curve five chapters earlier, Coulter uncritically grafts eugenics
onto liberalism in a circuitous route that also casts Hitler as a liberal
and atheist. Like Coulter, Hitler identified himself as a Christian.
"I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the
Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting
for the work of the Lord," he wrote in Mein Kampf.
Would that Coulter treated
actual eugenicists with skepticism; instead, she enthusiastically claims
that there are absolute differences between classes, races, and genders.
Bemoaning Larry Summers's alleged martyrdom at Harvard, she says that
university liberals fail to acknowledge that men out-perform women in
math and science. Even in gender studies departments, Coulter will find
few people who contest those findings. People have, however, asked why
women and minorities do worse in science classes and standardized testing.
The possibility of culturally conditioned difference is never one that
Coulter makes room for. Rather she condescends to tell women and minorities
that Christians have no concern for their naturally inferior minds,
since it is the presence of soul that guarantees God's love. Even as
she lionizes seemingly nature genetic difference, Coulter never acknowledges
the contradiction that genetic is itself an indicator of the evolutionary
lineage she rejects.
Like Behe, William Dembski,
and the wedge-pedigreed scientists of the Discovery Institute, Coulter
never really takes on evolutionary biology, presumably because she is
unwilling or unable to read recent, peer-reviewed research by actual
biologists. Coulter's interminable repetitions of Dwayne Gish's claim
that few fossils pre-date the Cambrian age ignore the superfluity of
soft-tissue jellyfish and worms in this epoch. Naturally the absence
of a spine or hard tissue makes fossilization far more rare. In the
absence of wide-ranging research, Coulter contents herself with criticizing
Darwin's long-discredited claims about whales turning into bears, and
vice-versa. Naturally Darwin is mistaken in many of his claims. This
is not news to biologists, who have fleshed out the fossil record with
the Ardipithecus ramidus , the Australopithecus "Lucy," homo
habilis and other intermediary and branching forms while amending and
expanding the claims of Darwin's one hundred and fifty-year old scientific
treatise. Coulter's list of evolutionary hoaxes features little more
recent than Piltdown Man, a long-discredited hoax fossil. Scientists
based their assertions on the fundamental tenet of their discipline
as contingent and self-correcting; consequently, Coulter's awareness
of the hoax fossil emerges from the discipline she rejects.
Comically Coulter asserts
that the lack of change in finches in the last century is the nail in
the coffin of evolution, proving only that she is unfamiliar with the
concept of geologic time. Like Governor Mark Sanford of South Carolina,
who recently said that evolution teaches that two mosquitoes can give
birth to a human, Coulter's science is more often laughable than insightful.
She defines punctuated equilibrium as such: "Your parents are slugs
and then suddenly – but totally at random – you evolve into
a gecko and your brother evolves into a shark and your sister evolves
into a polar bear and the guy down the street evolves into a porpoise
and so on – and then everyone relaxes by the pool for 150 million
years, virtually unchanged." Stephen J. Gould and Niles Eldredge
specified, in their 1972 paper "Punctuated Equilibria," that
species-creation is a rapid, rather than a gradual process, depending
upon alternating patterns of stability and rapid change in environmental
conditions. Conservative readers looking for definitions of scientific
terms will look no further than Coulter, though they should look far,
far away.
Re-read the last sentence,
and apply it more generally to Godless. If you wish, imagine that this
review takes the bullet for you, ensuring that you do not waste your
money or your time. Do not suffer Coulter's factual errors – including
her vacillating claims that the 1990s and 1960s were the most violent
decades of American life. Apparently, blaming both Clinton and the counter-culture
for violence was too intoxicating a possibility for Coulter to choose
just one. Do not punish yourself by reading her outright lies, including
the claim that liberals want to protect abortion rights so no one has
to give birth to a child with cleft palate. Do not buy the lie that
abortion doctors stick forks into the soft spots of still-breathing
thirty-six weeks old fetuses. If you must read her book, read it for
the comedy of her footnotes. She asserts that Inherit the Wind is taught
in place of science in geography classes, then footnotes the claim to
articles that talk about school districts banning the film.
You will learn all you need
to know from Coulter's recent interview with Alan Colmes, in which she
consistently asserted that she could not pinpoint liberals who defend
Charles Manson, love abortion, and forbid conservatives from responding
to Sheehan et al. A recent column repeats the injunction that interviewers
need not "hector… the author to name names." In short,
she says that Godless is not a book about liberals, but the religion
of liberalism. Translation: Coulter invents a fictive ideology, calls
it a religion, and is unsurprised when she fails to find a single person
who adheres to it.
Jennie Lightweis-Goff is a PhD candidate in the Department of English
at the University of Rochester. Her forthcoming single-authored publications
include "Sins of Commitment" in Senses of Cinema (July 2006).
Phillip Lightweis-Goff is a self-employed artist, an activist for social
change, and an avid student of history and anthropology. They live together
in Rochester, New York.