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Co-Written by Poornima Laxmeswar & Bishweshwar Das

Biswa is a good Indian boy, a fifteen year old

with dreamy eyes and straight yet unruly hair

parted exactly in the middle

after a good amount of castor oil’s hopelessness.

 

Biswa has been told that the cow is as holy as a mother

so he swallows his arguments with his own

and hides his anger against her rigid rules

between the gap of his front teeth

flashing instead a swollen smile as bogus as the mayor’s word

and the gutters that still overflow.

 

Biswa has been told that 33 crore gods and goddesses

reside inside the cow and the animal appeared along with goddess Lakshmi

during the churning of the ocean and he is mightily impressed

with this fact  and now

he feels proud to be a Hindu.

 

Biswa recently heard that the cow is the only living being

which inhales and exhales oxygen and is a panacea for all maladies

that cow urine keeps the liver heart and mind healthy

increases the immunity of the body

and slows down ageing.

Also drinking cow urine rids sins of the previous life and its mooing

kills the pathogens in the air.

 

Biswa will ask Ma and Baba and his friends from all communities

to drink it forever

Infact he wouldn’t mind carrying a 1 litre bottle with him everywhere

And whenever he sees a pissing cow on the road which is dime a dozen, he will collect the urine because

he feels it is his sacred duty to propagate this great cause

and he will ensure it happens

 

Biswa is overwhelmed by all the bovine benevolence

Day in and out he hears it on TV, people talking about it

Arguing, disagreeing, supporting, yelling

The Corporate Social Responsibility of cow lovers

Gets a bit on him at times

When he was a little boy his Grandma was gored by a bull

And she had a cast on her hand for two months

But then he reasons maybe it was grandma’s Karma

The cow can’t be that bad as even the dung is used to make ‘Gobar Gas’

And cow dung cakes – It’s holy, It’s labourous, It’s utilitarian

No wonder someone even suggested making it the National animal.

 

Biswa often wonders why so much fuss about air pollution or even H1N1

All he cares for now is that the country needs more cows

Just yesterday he discovered new insights on the national bird

that the peacock is a lifelong celibate

and it does not indulge in sex with the  peahen

who only lays eggs after getting impregnated with the tears of the peacock and

even if he doesn’t understand this fully

neither can he ask Baba openly about it.

He is now wondering if the National Animal – The Royal Bengal Tiger will become Vegetarian

Going by the national preferences these days

 

Biswa marks it on his head

hoping he will discover someone who can explain it to him

because apart from beef and lynching and rape and honour killing

he also reads the word ‘Kashmir’ a lot in the papers

even though he doesn’t know who is stoning whom or

what pellets are for or why Pakistan is Pakistan.

Biswa only knows that Kashmir belongs to Bharat and it will be so forever

because he overhears his dada talking about at fervent pitch.

 

Biswa goes to watch the movie ‘Kuchka Vikas – Unka Haath’ with his class mates

and just as the national anthem is about to start he gets an epileptic fit

and they slap him with cow leather shoes and

sprinkle cow urine on his face and

as he comes back to his senses

he utters feebly

‘Gau mata ki jai’

and the crowd scatters.

 

Biswa will hopefully grow up to be a man whose zoology and political understanding will be as lofty as the nation’s now.

 

Kuchka Vikas – Unka Haath – Development of the chosen, his blessings

‘Gobar’ – Cow Dung

 

Bishweshwar Das works as Creative Director for an ad agency and resides in Bengaluru. Apart from reading, writing and daydreaming, he relishes the beauty of heritage and has a modest assortment of cool stuff. Other than surviving on green tea, he uses LP records to keep himself sane and away from the madness of sheer routine.

Poornima Laxmeshwar resides in the garden city Bangalore and works as a content writer for a living.

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