Panicking Indians Fleeing India!- A Satire
By Satya Sagar
18 August, 2012
Countercurrents.org
A satirical take on the current socio-political situation in India
CPI (MR) News Service, New Delhi, August 18: Spooked by social media warnings that they should ‘vacate the country by 1 September 2012’ millions of Indians are fleeing India. There is an unprecedented rush all along the India’s borders with neighbouring countries and at all exit points, scenes not witnessed since the Aryan Invasion almost 5000 years ago.
The SMS, Twitter and Facebook warnings say that attacks will be carried out particularly on workers, farmers, Dalits, Adivasis, religious minorities and women. Adding to people’s fears is also an MMS threat to all those below poverty line to ‘stop pretending to be Indian citizens when they don’t have the money to prove it’. Apparently, MMS here stands for Manmohan Singh, though some communication experts said it could also be an abbreviation of ‘Modi Media Service”.
"I am packing my bags and moving to America because India is no longer safe", said Mangu Ram, a construction worker from Bihar working in Chennai. Asked why he thought America was a safe place he simply said ' I have heard there are no drone attacks there on the people and no MMS too”.
An Indian government spokesperson however claimed that rumours were being spread by ‘foreign instigators’, who were not interested in a developing country like India having a large population. "We will never allow our vote banks to migrate to another country" declared the Home Minister asking, 'who will do all the dirty work for us now?"
Political analysts however say that the claim of a ‘foreign hand’ behind the exodus of Indians was a bit far fetched, as it was successive Indian governments themselves that had invited foreigners to come and take over the country. As an example, they pointed to a recent government decision to allow a large Canadian mining company to dig for oil under the Rashtrapati Bhavan in New Delhi. The newly elected President Pranab Mukherjee is believed to be joining those stampeding out of the country.
In Washington US President Barack Obama welcomed the influx of so many Indians to his country by pointing out this would make Christopher Columbus very happy in his grave.
"500 years ago Christopher Columbus had tried to find India but found America instead. Now he can be joined by so many Indians trying to find India but also landing up in America instead” said Obama at his daily White House briefing for the media.
A senior security adviser to the US President explained to reporters later that since European colonisers had eliminated most of the native Indians in America, over the last few centuries, a replenishment of fresh stock was sorely required.
‘We are looking forward to a great hunting season”, he said.
Satya Sagar is a public health activist and an Associate Editor of Countercurrents.org. He can be reached at [email protected]
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