`It's
A Terrible Thing, Living With The Knowledge That You Crushed Our Daughter'
By Nathan Guttman
Haaretz
12 May, 2003
WASHINGTON - Craig Corrie sent just one e-mail to his daughter during
the seven weeks she spent in Rafah. She addressed most of her letters
to her mother, Cindy, and Craig read them with concern. When he was
a soldier serving in Vietnam, he would send his loved ones letters with
few details and mostly laconic, knowing that too much of a detailed
description of the war and the dangers would only increase the worry
at home. At home in North Carolina when he read his daughter's letters,
he knew she too was concealing a lot of the dangers. "I knew she
didn't write long letters in order not to make it hard for us,"
he says, "it was hard for me to write back." Eventually, he
sent her a brief letter a week before she was killed - "I find
writing to you hard, but not thinking about you impossible," he
wrote in an e-mail to his daughter, "I am afraid for you, and I
think I have reason to be. But I'm also proud of you - very proud."
Rachel wrote back the next day. It was the last e-mail she sent before
she was struck and killed by a blow from an IDF bulldozer in Rafah on
March 16.
Since the Corrie family's
worst fears came true, they have been busy - setting up foundations,
launching projects in memory of their daughter, trying to advance the
investigation of the incident and working in Congress to promote their
interest. One of their immediate goals is to go to Rafah to see the
place where Rachel was killed, meet her colleagues in the International
Solidarity Movement (ISM) and the Palestinians with whom she developed
a connection during her stay there and also visit Israel. "We're
not looking for revenge," they say; they just want to continue
on the path their daughter took.
Young activist
Cindy and Craig Corrie remember
very well the conversation when Rachel told them of her plans to go
to Rafah to join an international delegation of activists that assists
the Palestinians and fights against house demolitions. "She gave
all kinds of hints and then she said: `I'm going'," says Craig
Corrie. "I thought to myself - why don't you find yourself a soup
kitchen here instead of going over there, but I didn't say anything."
Cindy and Craig tried to talk about the dangers involved in facing down
tanks and bulldozers on battlefields, but knew they wouldn't be able
to stop her from going. Rachel told her mother she didn't believe anyone
would hurt international activists, certainly not Americans, who are
unarmed and nonviolent. She also made sure to point out that in the
two years that the ISM has been active in the territories, none of its
activists has been killed. Since the then, the ISM has endured one death
and two serious injuries.
"I know that in her
heart, the most difficult thing for her was to know we will have to
face this terrible loss," says Cindy Corrie tearfully, "but
she had to do it - it was a natural result of her activism." A
film friends showed to the Corries last week reminded them of the roots
of Rachel's activism. The short film shows a project run by Rachel's
school in Olympia, Washington whose topic was world hunger. Young Rachel
Corrie appears in the film standing on the stage saying that humanity
must strive for a solution to the problem of hunger by 2000. "People
from other countries also have dreams and we have to think of them,"
the young girl says in the film.
In high school, Rachel Corrie
participated in a youth exchange program. She hosted a Russian student
in her home and afterward was hosted by him for six weeks in his home
on Sakhalin Island. "I feel that after that her life had changed,"
says Cindy Corrie. "She was shocked to see people that have so
little. She became skeptical about all we have and of how little we
know about the Russians."
`Opening our eyes'
After the terrorist attacks
of September 11, she decided to join a group of activists in Olympia.
She contacted all the organizations but decided to focus on one that
deals with the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, to a large extent as a
result of conversations with Simona Sharoni, a former Israeli who taught
Corrie at Evergreen College and told her about what was going on in
the territories. From there she came to the International Solidarity
Movement and got the idea of coming to the territories. At the beginning
of last year she moved in with her sister, Sara, in order to save up
some money for the trip, and continued studying the subject by reading
a lot about it and speaking with other activists.
Rachel's family believe the
main reason why a young student from the state of Washington chooses
to devote her time, energy and life to the distress of the Palestinians
in the territories was her sense that the American public and the surroundings
where she grew up do not know enough about and do not sufficiently understand
what is going on in the Middle East. For her parents, she prepared a
reading list so that they would know more and once she was already in
Rafah she was happy to hear they were reading the material and discussing
the subject with their friends. "She wanted to open our eyes to
this side of the conflict, that Americans, in general, do not understand.
She felt that this is an unbalanced conflict between a powerful military
force that has the support of the U.S. and people who have no power,"
says Cindy Corrie. "She was for all humanity, against the suffering
of the Israelis and against the suicide attacks. But she felt the Palestinian
side is invisible and that's why she chose to be there," she continues.
She now says she feels uncomfortable that her whole life she has heard
about the conflict, but has never done anything - "our country
and our family's sympathy was always to Israel," says Cindy Corrie.
All the reading, the chats
with Rachel and the e-mails they received from her during her stay in
Rafah changed the Corrie family's position. In one phone conversation,
Cindy asked Rachel about the Palestinian violence and wondered why they
did not use nonviolent forms of protest. Rachel responded in a long
e-mail in which she wrote in detail about what the Palestinians in Rafah
she meets must go through and said: "I really think, in a similar
situation, most people would defend themselves as best they could -
I think I would."
"Rachel felt that we
don't understand the ongoing violence toward the Palestinians, says
Cindy. She herself said she empathizes with all the sides. "I know
there are families in Israel that lost more than one family member in
suicide attacks and I know now that their pain is double," she
says. But on the day Rachel would have celebrated her 24th birthday,
Cindy's anger won out. A day earlier, Tom Horndal, British ISM activist,
had been critically injured and she phoned the Israeli consul in San
Francisco and told him that despite her great empathy for the Jewish
people, the fact that the army had already injured three unarmed peace
activists was not giving her any peace. "Even worse is that that
same week 17 Palestinians were killed, including five children and that
didn't make any waves here," says Cindy Corrie.
Since Rachel Corrie was killed,
around 10,000 letters have reached the e-mail boxes of the Corrie family;
many of them were sent by Israelis and Jews wishing to express their
sorrow. One of them is a reserve officer and a father of two who was
in contact with Rachel during the course of her stay in the territories.
He was the one who suggested that she try to appeal to the humane side
of soldiers and he also is the one who taught her a few key Hebrew phrases
so she say them to the soldiers. "What would your mother think
about what you're doing," was one phrase; another was "you're
operating under a black flag." After her death, the reserve officer
wrote to her family and told them how sorry he was that he told Rachel
that soldiers also have a conscience.
No comment from the IDF
Rachel Corrie's parents make
an effort to show they are not angry with Israelis, but they do not
hide their opinion about who is responsible for the death of their daughter.
As terrible as Rachel's loss is for his family, Craig Corrie thinks
it is also terrible for the nation when it agrees to accept such actions
or agrees that its army should act this way. He cannot understand why
the bulldozer driver hit his daughter while she stood in front of him
- "this is a girl who weighed 125 lbs. He could have picked her
up and put her under arrest." He himself was in charge of a bulldozer
force while serving as a soldier in the engineering corps in Vietnam.
The Israeli establishment
has not made a real effort to contact the Corrie family. Around two
days after Rachel was killed, the Israeli consul called the family home
and spoke with her brother Chris. The consul expressed his condolences
and said he appreciated Rachel's dedication even if he did not agree
with her politics. Chris got angry and said Rachel's only politics was
to support all humanity. The family says it never received a report
from the Israeli army about the circumstances of the incident nor has
it ever heard directly from any military official. The only information
reaching them comes from ISM members or from the U.S. State Department.
Seeking justice
Last Thursday, the Corrie
family went again to Capitol Hill in Washington. They are trying to
convince members of both houses of Congress to support a draft bill
that would require the U.S. to investigate the circumstances of their
daughter's death. Craig and Cindy do not conceal their frustration -
mobilizing Congress members goes very slowly, political considerations
interfere and suddenly, they find themselves facing a countermove, that
mentions all the Americans killed in suicide attacks in Israel. Craig
and Cindy say they will be happy to support this proposal, but not instead
of a demand for an investigation. In the meantime, they ignore the U.S.
State Department's advice to sit and wait for the results of the judge
advocate general in Israel, while also insisting that the U.S. government
launch its own investigation. Left-wing Jewish organizations voiced
their support, but on the list of supporters, the names of the large
organizations do not appear.
What kind of justice do they
expect? Cindy Corrie says they continue to demand an investigation because
they believe Israel and the world must pay attention to the issue and
show responsibility, but "we are not perusing it with malice,"
she stresses. Sara, Rachel's sister, believes if the driver had stepped
out and talked with Rachel for a minute, "he would have met a beautiful
soul, that came to talk and convince," while Craig Corrie says,
"If the bulldozer operator will be able to understand what he did,
then I hope he has a long life. It's a terrible thing, living with the
knowledge that you crushed someone like our daughter."
The Corrie family does not
think the death of their daughter and the injuring of two other ISM
activists present proof that this kind of activity is too dangerous
or provocative. They believe the presence of international peace activists
can prevent more violent actions on the part of the Palestinians. They
stress that their daughter not only faced down tanks and bulldozers
- she worked to rebuild wells that had been destroyed in Rafah, tried
to organize an exchange of letters between children there and in the
U.S. and also tried to realize her dream - a twin-city agreement between
Olympia and Rafah.
The family's life now revolves
around Rachel. Craig, the father, 56, took leave from his job as an
actuarial adviser and is trying to promote the issues of the legislation
and the memorials. The same is true of Rachel's mother, Cindy, 55, who
in normal times did volunteer work with children. Rachel's older siblings,
Sara - who lives in the family's former home in Olympia and Chris, who
lives in the suburbs of Washington DC - are trying to run the memorial
foundation that perpetuates their sister.
Cindy feels the main message
in memorializing Rachel should be the interpersonal connection - ties
between Israelis and Palestinians, between peace activists on both sides,
between Americans who want to act to further Rachel's causes.
Last weekend, the parents
traveled to Washington State to attend the annual ceremony marking Earth
Day, when it is customary to dress up as animals and connect with nature.
A few years ago, Rachel organized a group of white doves. This time
there were more doves than ever at the event, including Craig and Cindy.
Rachel Corrie's letters
home
February 7, 2003
Today, as I walked on top
of the rubble where homes once stood, Egyptian soldiers called to me
from the other side of the border, "Go! Go!" because a tank
was coming. And then waving and "What's your name?" Something
disturbing about this friendly curiosity. It reminded me of how much,
to some degree, we are all kids curious about other kids. Egyptian kids
shouting at strange women wandering into the path of tanks. Palestinian
kids shot from the tanks when they peak out from behind walls to see
what's going on. International kids standing in front of tanks with
banners. Israeli kids in the tanks anonymously - occasionally shouting
and also occasionally waving - many forced to be here, many just aggressive
- shooting into the houses as we wander away.
February 20, 2003
I still feel like I'm relatively
safe and think that my most likely risk in case of a larger-scale incursion
is arrest.
Know that I have a lot of
very nice Palestinians looking after me. I have a small flu bug, and
got some very nice lemony drinks to cure me. Also, the woman who keeps
the key for the well where we still sleep keeps asking me about you.
She doesn't speak a bit of English, but she asks about my mom pretty
frequently - wants to make sure I'm calling you.
February 27, 2003
I have bad nightmares about
tanks and bulldozers outside our house and you and me inside. Sometimes
the adrenaline acts as an anesthetic for weeks and then in the evening
or at night it just hits me again - a little bit of the reality of the
situation. I am really scared for the people here
Just want to write to my
mom and tell her that I'm witnessing this chronic, insidious genocide
and I'm really scared, and questioning my fundamental belief in the
goodness of human nature. This has to stop. I think it is a good idea
for us all to drop everything and devote our lives to making this stop.
I don't think it's an extremist thing to do anymore.
March 12, 2003
I am trying to figure out
what I'm going to do when I leave here, and when I'm going to leave.
Right now I think I could stay until June, financially. I really don't
want to move back to Olympia, but do need to go back there to clean
my stuff out of the garage and talk about my experiences here. On the
other hand, now that I've crossed the ocean I'm feeling a strong desire
to try to stay across the ocean for some time. Considering trying to
get English teaching jobs - would like to really buckle down and learn
Arabic. Also got an invitation to visit Sweden on my way back, which
I think I could do very cheaply. I would like to leave Rafah with a
viable plan to return, too. Let me know if you have any ideas about
what I should do with the rest of my life.