The Obama-Kerry Dialogue That Averted WW III
By Feroze Mithiborwala
12 September, 2013
Countercurrents.org
This a fictional conversation between US President Barack Obama and Secretary of State John Kerry
Part I
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Obama to Kerry: Damn you guys Kerry. I went along on your warmongering rhetoric, hoping to appear as a true War Leader & here I am, as-sad as I can get, whilst even Assad seems happier & confident. Here I am, going to send over 1000's of Toms, sorry, Cruise missiles at his country & he is out there giving interviews to CBS, saying that we have no evidence - which we don't, but that's of the record, even though I have a feeling that Snowden has bugged my office.
Kerry: I know, we have goofed up yet again. But don't worry, I will get you out of this hole. Let me call up Lavrov to figure out a face-saving escape route.
And thus comes along the Russian initiative . . . . .
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Part II
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And again, Obama to Kerry: "Darn, Bush Jr. had it much easier. There was a Bin Laden that he could scare the world with. That too I sort of killed of so that I could appear as a strong president & win the elections. And with Saddam, since it was us, the US & the rest of the Free World that gave him the Chemical weapons in the first place, we knew exactly how to lie. But here with Assad, I am really... as-sad as I can get now.
Also the Bush's had Gorbachev & Yeltsin to contend with & I've got Putin. So just look at the odds against me - no Bin Laden, in fact I have landed up supporting the Jaba-the-Hutt, sorry, Jabhat al Nusra-Qaeda very bad folks in Syria.
Then a smart Assad, who makes me sad.
And Putin, who again is far to smart. In any case the smartness factor was never an issue for Bush Jr. as that was taken for granted. But with me, I am supposed to be the smart guy - then how did I get myself into this mess.
Kerry - Don't worry prez, Lavrov has assured me that Assad will step into help us for sure.
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Part III
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A visibly distraught and as-sad as possible Obama calls up Kerry after his return from Geneva.
Obama - Listen Kerry, we now have a major problem pending.
Kerry - What problem, did Assad threaten you . . . . err . . . our national security again, by demanding evidence on the CBS?
Obama - No, its not Assad, Its Hillary.
Kerry - What? Does she want to take over the rest of your term now since you have lost all credibility and nobody believes our lies or fears us anymore? And in any case, I still want to be president and threaten & drone a few countries.
Obama - Nope, its not that. She has a genuine problem. When we went to town with our warmongering, I told her to convey the message to the Saudis-Qataris that we were going in 0600 hours. The happy Sheikhs then gave her a necklace worth $500,000/- and now those shaken and stirred and angry sheikhs want their gifts back, which Hillary refuses to do. Also Bill called to say that its not good for him at home and maybe I should just consider firing a few cruise missiles, just as he did at Libya . . or Sudan, who cares, when he had his family issues over Monica. And then, Bill is an old friend.
Kerry - No way prez . . .
Obama - You mean I should not bomb Damascus just a wee bit for a little marital peace for Bill?
Kerry - Nope, there is no way I'm returning my new Ferrari & gas pipeline contract which those Sheikh dudes gave me.
Obama - Et Tu Bruteforce ..... sorry, Brutus? I tend to forget that we are the Liberals with all this saber-rattling & drones . . . the anti-war President. I know that Bradley Manning & Snowden will not agree, but they are traitors . . .
(A silent pause ) ...... then I'm not returning the private jet either. Got it as a retirement plan .... fly around, see the world . . . in the few countries that Ive not bombed . . . .no way ....... Mr Secretary of State, you need to get us of the hook here.
We cant bomb Syria ..... for now that is ........
I know I should not have taken the Noble Peace Prize ..... now they are calling me a war-criminal-noble-peace-prize-winner . . .
But we have to bomb somebody, or they will take our gifts back ......
Kerry - This is now a matter of national security for all 3 of us ...... ok, let me think .....
Iran? naah, to tough,
Russia I would darn well love to Nuke .... but they have 10,000 just like us.
The North Korean guy is as crazy us ......
Pakistan, Afghanistan, Iraq, Yemen ..... here we have run out of targets .....
And the guys we bomb are here are our allies in Syria ......
Who do we bomb ....?
How about a good Sarin scare in DC? That will keep the momentum going till we do eventually bomb Syria, somebody, anybody, right?
Obama - I'm glad this is my last term ..... the White boys who got me here, did not prepare me to bargain for this ...... then some Sarin in DC it is ..... blame Happy go As-sad, and say you have credible evidence, classified satellite imagery. We then go to the UN, get Putin to once again step in ...... we save our gifts, good for the national security of the American people . . . .
I am going to get some sleep . . . I have a nightmare ......
And Kerry silently walks away for a fraternity meeting of the Skull & Bones . . .
Feroze Mithiborwala is a peace activist in Mumbai, Inda. He led the Asia to Gaza peace flotilla. Email: f[email protected]
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