Et Tu George?
By Ra Ravishankar
29 March, 2005
Narendra Modi was to tour the US for a week starting March 20th, but
a successful mobilization by the Coalition Against Genocide [http://www.coalitionagainstgenocide.org]
and the US state department's denial of a visa put paid to his rehabilitation
hopes. What follows is a fictional account of LK Advani's letter to
US President George Bush. For more information, please see the CAG website
Pranaam! I know
you don't understand Hindi, but how do I care? Hindi is our national
language, and "Hindu, Hindi, Hindustan" is our beloved slogan.
Given that you have attacked our swabhimaan, I don't owe you anything,
least of all a comprehensible letter. Besides, even in peaceful times,
Vajpayee-ji had stunned the world and made us all proud by addressing
the UN General Assembly in Hindi.
Yes George, I am
extremely offended by your hard slap to Narendra Modi. In fact, I am
still struggling to think coherently. After all that we did to you,
is this what you do to us? A friend in need is a friend indeed, George.
And I am pained that you've failed us in our time of need. You were
nice to us when we were in power, but now that we are down (but not
out, mind you!), you have stabbed us in the back. Why, George, why?
After all, I am sure the death of a couple thousand brown Muslims couldn't
have moved you. I would be much obliged if you could let me in on the
In case you have
forgotten, George, let me remind you of our response to the tragic events
of September 11, 2001. While your detractors were lampooning you for
your inaction (that you preferred to read stories to kids in Florida,
rather than act like the selected, oops, elected head of state), we
were among the first to condemn the attacks and pledge our "unambiguous
and unconditional"  support to your noble cause of fighting
terrorism. The same Narendra, the same guy that you've now deemed unfit
to set foot on American soil, said this : "The BJP is of the
firm opinion that terrorism is a war against the human race. When terrorism
is inspired by political and religious beliefs it becomes more lethal.
The world is seeing it in the worst form today." Isn't it ironical
that you've used Narendra's own rationale to screw him? Narendra worships
cows (cows are to us what foetuses are to you!) as his mother, George.
How can such a bloke harm humans? After you denied him a visa, he was
completely distraught and I had a hard time consoling him. "If
I was anyway going to be implicated publicly, why did I go through the
trouble of destroying all evidence?," he kept asking me in between
sobs. Dignity of labor never meant much to me, but to see all of Narendra's
valiant efforts go waste was a heartrending sight.
Let me also remind
you that at your moment of need, Vajpayee-ji was as forthright as Narendra
: "We must strike at the roots of the system that breeds terrorism.
We must stamp out the infrastructure that imparts the perverse ideological
poison by which the terrorist is fired up. We must hold governments
wholly accountable for the terrorism that originates from their countries.
In other words, to get at the terrorists the world community must get
at their organizations, at those who condition, finance, train, equip
and protect them." Lest you think he did a volte-face later, let
me assure you he didn't.
have a tendency to say different things at different fora, but on this,
he was atal (That's again a hindi word, George. Please pardon my rudeness,
the denial of visa to Narendra is an insult to our nation, and I can't
think of a better way to regain lost pride than by speaking in our national
I am appalled, George,
that you've twisted Vajpayee-ji's words out of context. Though his statement
was worded in very general terms, you know as well as I do that such
lofty principles are only meant to be applied to Muslims. How can you
forget that only terrorism inspired by Islam is dangerous, and only
the funding of Islamic terrorist groups needs to be stopped. Unfortunately,
now you seem to have been smitten by the commie argument about American
funding of Hindutva . Let me remind you, George, that while we were
applauding your courage and egging you on (and followed your example
by enacting Patriot-ic laws ourselves), these commies were marching
alongside fellow anti-war loonies, made (and continue to make) wicked
comments against the Patriot Act, and even opposed our noble endeavor
of sacrificing some of our jawans for "Operation Enduring Freedom."
You should have packed them all to Guantanamo Bay -- in fact, we never
thought twice about how to treat our Muslims -- but far from that, you've
ganged up with them and kicked us -- your loyal allies -- in the butt!
You know what, the commies are now taunting us for our loyalty. Praveen
Togadia (another of those blokes who wouldn't harm even a cow) had called
you "our hero", and the Indian commies are now taunting us
with questions like, "what has your hero done to you"?
I am already feeling
much better, George. I guess all I had to do was to convey my agony
to you in private. Now I can rest assured that you will take care of
this. Let bygones be bygones, and lets start a new chapter in our friendship.
We don't give a damn about the commie taunts, all we desire is your
As for the attacks
against Pepsico, please don't lose sleep over it. This was a one-off
incident completely antithetical to our ideology, and the swayamsevaks
who had indulged in it have been let off with a severe warning. It's
just that our swayamsevaks are so used to violence, and Narendra was
for a long time heartbroken, so there was no one to rein in on the anguished
souls. As always, we very much value our special relationship with big
businesses, and are in fact, planning to use this attack as a pretext
to pass stringent legislation that would restrict the right to peaceful
protest. That way, we hope to rein in on the mushrooming protests against
Coca Cola in India . If we had our way, the police would unleash
as much violence on these peaceful protests as we have unleashed on
Please convey to
Congressman Pitts  that our swayamsevaks have been asked to exercise
restraint against Christians. Of course, violence against white Christians
has always been strictly taboo. Let me assure you and Congressman Pitts
that the Graham Staines incident was an aberration; it only happened
because our swayamsevaks couldn't ascertain the victims' skin color
in the dark. As for brown Christians, I request you to ignore isolated
acts of violence against them. (We will also make sure these don't get
reported). Considering the treatment you mete out to African-Americans,
I hope this is not too much to ask! (Please ignore some of our intemperate
remarks in this regard).
I would also like
to apologize for the seemingly crude remarks that some of us have made
against the US. Political exigencies in a democracy demand that we play
out our carefully constructed roles. As the iron man with a Prime Ministerial
ambition, I had to react strongly to this issue. Still, I would like
to dissociate myself from this quote attributed to me : "The
US is a large country, but I doubt if it has an intelligence to match."
Let me also inform you that for some time now, we haven't been able
to sustain any serious agitation, so we might try to make political
capital out of this issue. This should be welcome news for you, for
it is to your advantage if the anti-US space is taken up by us, rather
than the loony left.
Before I end, I
would like to discuss a potentially ticklish issue on which I would
very much appreciate your feedback. After the denial of a visa to Narendra,
some of our friends are upset that you've named one of your cats after
our motherland. They find it particularly offensive that kids who chance
upon the Whitehouse website  might grow up with an entirely different
notion of India. Until now, I have been able to convince them that this
is a matter of honor for all Bharatiyas and that this has ensured that
our motherland is always at the back of your mind. However, the new
developments have made this viewpoint untenable. In particular, Balasaheb
Thackeray, a venerable gentleman whose courage has been acknowledged,
among others, by a judge who noted that Balasaheb acted like a "veteran
general" , has ordered his troops to be on the alert. He has
a fetish for changing names, so he might insist that you rename your
cat. Or else, he and his troops might name their dogs, "Amreeka."
I will try my best to prevail over him, but in case I can't, I want
to clarify that I had nothing to do with this.
Finally, I have
a request. You might know of the violence caused by my rath yathra in
the 1990s. I hope that won't be held against me when I try to come to
the US. Also, things are not looking up for me on the legal front, what
with a regional high court ruling  that I could be prosecuted for
a mosque I helped demolish. (Mandir Wahin Banayenge, George!) It was
a ruling by the same court that caused former Indian Prime Minister
Indira Gandhi to assume dictatorial powers. I don't have the means to
indulge in anything of that sort, but with a compliant government at
the Center, you never know! In any case, I hope our long-standing friendship
would take precedence over any petty political or human rights concerns
and that I can always count on you for a diplomatic visa.
I hope your current
position is not a principled position for human rights. Contrary to
what others might tell you, you are best when you are hypocritical,
George. Lets focus solely on the Islamic threat.
Jai Hind! Jai Shri
Ram! Vande Mataram! Garv Se Kaho Hum Hindu Hain!
ps: After the swabhimaan
rally, I heard our George console Modi that at least he didn't suffer
the ignominy of a strip search at the airport. That seemed to mollify
Narendra considerably, and he has since toned down his anti-US rhetoric
pps: One of my friends,
Murli Manohar Joshi, a co-accused in a mosque demolition case, is planning
to visit the US for a series of lectures on "The 101 benefits of
cow urine"  and "Vedic Astrology."  I urge you
to grant him a diplomatic visa. With our past threatening to catch up
with us, a normal visa would simply not suffice.
1) See "Standing
up to be counted" at
2) See "BJP
expresses solidarity with U.S." at
3) See "Pakistan:
Exploiting US dilemma" at
4) See "The
Foreign Exchange of Hate: IDRF and the American Funding of
Hindutva" at http://stopfundinghate.org/sacw/index.html
6) See http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c109:H.RES.160:
7) See "Modi
visa issue has hit Indo-US ties: Advani" at
8) See "India's
Biography" at http://www.whitehouse.gov/kids/india
9) See "'The
General' in his labyrinth" at
10) See "Babri
case: 'Ample proof to prosecute Advani'" at
11) See "No
issues against US, says Modi" at
12) See "Cow
urine for dazzling teeth?" at
13) See "Vedic
astrology and all that" at