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The Importance of Being Angry

By Robert J. Burrowes

15 January, 2015
Countercurrents.org

Unfortunately, in many circles, anger has a bad reputation. There are
several reasons for this. One reason is that we are scared when people
are angry at us, so we try to scare people, especially children, out of
being angry. By doing this, we hope to escape responsibility for our
dysfunctional behaviour.

Another reason that anger has a bad reputation is because it enables
people to defend themselves against violence and other forms of abuse.
But if we want obedient and hardworking students, reliable and pliant
employees/soldiers and submissive law-abiding citizens, then we must
terrorize people out of being angry. Social control is not easy with
people who are powerful and you need your anger to be powerful.

A third reason that anger has a bad reputation is that anger is often
confused with violence. But anger and violence are not the same thing.
People who are violent are not angry; they are scared or, more
accurately, terrified, and they use violence in a dysfunctional attempt
to get what they need. See 'Why Violence?'
http://tinyurl.com/whyviolence and 'Fearless Psychology and Fearful
Psychology: Principles and Practice'
http://anitamckone.wordpress.com/articles-2/fearless-and-fearful-psychology/

Anger is a vitally important evolutionary gift and without it we are
perpetual victims. Anger has two primary evolutionary functions: to let
us know when we are being threatened or attacked (whether by a more
'subtle' abuse or in an explicitly violent manner) while also giving us
the power to respond effectively to this threat/attack.

The individual who is not afraid to be angry, will respond immediately,
powerfully and, in virtually all cases, nonviolently to any threat or
attack, warding off the attacking individual, for example, simply by
clearly showing their anger (which is, of course, a clear defence in
itself, and watching a snarling dog or wolf will readily convince you of
the effectiveness of this form of defence).

In contrast, the individual who is afraid to be angry will either
retreat inappropriately, use violence to 'counter-attack' (including in
situations in which the 'threat' or 'attack' to which they are
responding is actually an outcome of their own projection) or engage in
vicarious and powerless acts of rebellion or interference.

What is a powerless act of rebellion? It is an act that is harmful to
themselves, others and/or the Earth that is done in a way that allows
the individual to either avoid responsibility (as would occur, for
example, by dropping an item of rubbish, carrying out an act of
vandalism or starting a wildfire where no one will see them) or to
delude themselves that they will not be held accountable (as occurs, for
example, when someone pretends that there is no connection between their
unhealthy diet and their ill-health).

Similarly, an individual might engage in a powerless act of interference
in the life of another as an unconscious manifestation of their
suppressed anger. For example, if someone is angry because they feel
that they are being forced to clean up after someone else, but this
anger is fearfully suppressed and cannot be acted upon by raising and
dealing with the conflict openly, then the person might half clean up
but then leave all of the cleaning equipment in the way of the other
person in an attempt to powerlessly 'force' that person to clean up
after them.

More interestingly perhaps, an individual might engage in a powerless
act of interference in their own life as an unconscious manifestation of
their suppressed anger. How might they do this? And why? A person might
get in their own way, for example, by being untidy, disorganised or by
persisting in using dysfunctional equipment (rather than having it
repaired). And they do this as an unconscious projection of one or both
of their parents 'getting in my way' when they were a child. This
'getting in my way' usually occurs when the child is 'held to account'
for making mistakes (that is, being inappropriately and unfairly treated
as dysfunctional) but is not allowed to get angry about this unjust
response to its 'mistakes'. So, not allowed to get angry, the child (and
later the adult) wants to 'insist' on doing what they want
(dysfunctional or otherwise) because this represents them trying to
learn to do things for themselves (and 'getting away with' making
mistakes in doing so). Unfortunately, they are now trapped in this
behaviour pattern because they cannot have the feelings, which are
fearfully suppressed, that would allow them to restore more functional
behaviour.

Finally, the individual whose anger is warped by both their own fear and
pain, will probably act in a vindictive manner, trying to inflict
unnecessary or excessive violence on the person who is threatening or
attacking them (again, including in situations in which this
threat/attack might simply be a projection from their own past).

As these simple examples illustrate, if someone's anger has been
fearfully suppressed, the anger will manifest in a variety of
dysfunctional ways. They might be violent as well because they lack the
emotional capacity and skills to resolve conflict nonviolently. But, of
course, whatever the problem, violence cannot solve it (although it
might destroy particular symptoms of the problem).

Unfortunately, children are routinely denied functional outlets for
their appropriate anger at adult abuse. They are also denied the
meaningful outcomes that would arise if they were allowed to express
their anger as part of their articulation of any grievance. So they do
things like 'niggle at' or tease their siblings and friends, torment the
family pet or smash toys.

So what do we do? If you feel angry, you should express your anger fully
and completely but in a safe way. And you should give your child the
same opportunity (including when they are angry with you). How? Here are
some suggestions but you (or your child) will need to decide what will
work best for you/them. Try screaming (into a pillow if noise is an
issue). Or smash a bat or racquet into a mattress or cushion. Or punch a
pillow or punching bag. Perhaps you should get an axe and chop wood
(thinking about utterly destroying who/what is making you angry) until
your anger has been vented.

If you feel angry you need to exert enormous physical effort to
adequately express it. This might require considerable time for any one
session and you might need to do a great many sessions (particularly if
your anger is tapping into suppressed anger from your past). If you can
set up a safe space for expressing anger, then do so. Whatever you do,
however, don't waste your time saying or writing 'I feel angry…'. And
don't waste a moment of your life in an 'anger management' course.
Anger, like all emotions, needs to be expressed, not 'managed' (that is,
suppressed).

Moreover, and this is vitally important, the learning that comes from
expressing your anger must be allowed to manifest in changed behaviour.
You will find this challenging if your child realises they no longer
want to go to school – see 'Do We Want School or Education?'
http://www.countercurrents.org/burrowes310713.htm – so you have a simple
choice: you can let your child realise their evolutionary potential or
you can destroy them.

If we do not allow children to be angry when it naturally occurs (by
terrorising them, one way or another, into not feeling and expressing
their anger so that they can functionally alter their behaviour in
response to it), then we systematically destroy their personal power and
make them perpetual victims of the teachers and bullies at school, and
their employers and others later in life.

In essence then, if you want a powerless, obedient child who submits to
you, teachers and (later) employers while playing no part in resisting
violence and exploitation (whether of themself or others), then just
ensure that you frighten your child out of being angry so that they lack
the courage to be the unique and powerful organism that evolution
intended.

But if you want a powerful child who is deeply committed to social
justice, then they must be unafraid of feeling and acting on their
anger.

Strange as it may seem given the widespread and popular misconceptions
about anger and violence, it is anger that drives our struggle for a
just and peaceful world. If you wish to join this movement, you can sign
the online pledge of 'The People's Charter to Create a Nonviolent World'
http://thepeoplesnonviolencecharter.wordpress.com

If we are scared of our anger, we are powerless and more likely to be
violent.

Robert J. Burrowes has a lifetime commitment to understanding
and ending human violence. He has done extensive research since 1966 in
an effort to understand why human beings are violent and has been a
nonviolent activist since 1981. He is the author of 'Why Violence?'
http://tinyurl.com/whyviolence His email address is [email protected]
and his website is at http://robertjburrowes.wordpress.com






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