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misogyny

Dear Men

I am a woman. You meet at least one of my kind every day. You will find my kind everywhere. At home, at school, in college, at your workplace, using the public transport, working out at the gym, jogging in the park, at the cafe enjoying a nice cup of coffee or having fun at a club.

So many different places, but I have the same questions for you for each of those places:

  1. Did you ever notice that one of your kind is staring at me ravenously?
  2. Did you ever ask him not to do so?
  3. Did you ever ponder upon what I might be going through at that very moment?
  4. Did you ever observe that I was both scared and disgusted at the same time?

No? I guessed so.

The only women you care about obviously include your mother, your sister, your wife or maybe your girlfriend. You make sure they’re safe and hence you have a peaceful sleep. Right? But:

  1. Did you ever ask them how they felt at such places?
  2. Did you ever check their inbox?
  3. Or did you have a look at those creepy facebook message requests?

Honestly, I am tired.

Grope.
Stare.
Harass.
Make lewd comments.
Unwanted touch.
Domestic Violence.

I have firmly stood against them all my life as much as I could. But now I am so exhausted that I tend to ignore them. Still, sometimes, they are overwhelming. Unable to handle the burden anymore, my soul cries for help. No longer the same, innocent and child-like.

Do you think I like your “Babe”, “Honey”, “Hot pic”, “Sexy bitch” messages? I must admit I consider these mild. I have seen worse. Let me tell you something. I don’t need your approval. I am not asking for it. Neither did I ask for it when I was raped by you. Still, I tried to stand up, yet again.

But do you know what happened later? I was declared impure. Given the title of a whore. You guessed that I would have liked it when 5-6 of your kind took turns on me. The society thought that I might have enjoyed it.

Wait, did I just say society? Allow me to improvise.

Male. Dominant. Society.

Please, don’t get me wrong here. I don’t desire a matriarchal society. I just want my rights,  freedom and equality. Why is it that a working lady has to come home and still cook when food is the need of both the husband and the wife? Yes, I know it has been like that for ages when your kind was supposed to hunt and my kind had to look after our children.
Now, tell me if I am wrong but, the time has changed. Hasn’t it? Can you please start taking responsibility for household chores? Obviously, we’ll work together. You know, “equality”. (I hope I am not being a feminazi.)

Okay, I’ll tell you a secret. When I try to defy all the norms, or be myself, or try to achieve something, almost everytime I am pulled down by my very own kind. Quoting an example,

“Aurat ka dharam hota hai pati ki seva karna. Bahar jaa ke kaam karna nahi”.

I beg your pardon. I do care for my husband or boyfriend but, it is out of love and respect. It is no law. Neither does it mean that I can’t be self-sufficient.

My life is a constant battle. I have fought so much. I have fought valiantly. I have fought those ravenous eyes, boundaries and rules. Yet, I fail.

Every time I feel the world is getting better, an unborn girl child is murdered, a 6-year-old girl child is raped, a 15-year-old sexually assaulted by one of her relatives, a 23-year-old is eve teased, a 40-year-old is brutally beaten by her husband and a 51-year-old denied of the highest rank as she belongs to my kind. The list is never-ending.

Even after all this, I haven’t lost hope. I know there is still some decency left in this cruel world. I’d like to say that I just want your cooperation, support and encouragement. Most importantly, I request you stand against any wrongdoing. Remember, your silence leaves scars as well. Trust me, those scars hurt a lot more than those given by the culprit.

To all those dear men who’ll like this post or share this post or comment on this post or just give it a quick read, will you ever change?

No? I guessed so.

Yours faithfully,

The kind who brought you into this world

 Aprisyta is a blogger. https://aprisyta.wordpress.com/

6 Comments

  1. odysseyeuropeCarax says:

    “an unborn girl child is murdered,” Of course it’s murder. What on earth else can you expect when abortion laws legally permit murder?

    “will you ever change?” you are assuming all men are alike. And not all men are as as you you depict. At least from my generation, before everything started becoming Identity Politics and Politically Correct. That was when society became depraved and subverted in order to become “modern”. Women demand rights, equal opportunity and now they still complain. Welcome to the “modern”world. And I’d love to stay at home and do chores and write poetry instead of competing in the rat race and getting a heart attack in the process.

    • Hello.

      I feel that you have misunderstood this post. It is not from a single woman but from every Indian woman. Hence, unified emotions. I’m sure not every woman has faced all of the things written above.

      Neither am I saying that all men are malice. Here, “will you ever change”, just implies to take stand against wrongdoing of any sort, support women and help us to grow in every field. No one is saying that every man stares or gropes or rapes. Yes, it is a letter to every man but I assumed that the reader will analyse what he does and what he has to change to become a better person.

      Coming to “unborn child is murdered”. Yes, abortion is permitted but asking the gender of the child through sonography is banned. Moreover, whether to bring a ‘child’ to this world or not is decision of its parents. Just to inform you, there are a lot of couples who still go for sonography and abort the child if she is a girl. One must not mix unwillingness to bring a ‘child’ and ‘girl child’.

      Now, asking men to sit at home. I NEVER wrote that. I just asked them to help us in household chores. There should no harm in that.

      Yes, we demand for equal rights, because it’s our BIRTHRIGHT.

      Now, demanding for birthright and still not getting them will even make you complain. Perhaps, complain is the wrong word here. It’s agony and pain we feel.

      Read the blog keeping in mind every woman, maybe you’ll get a clearer picture of what this post actually means.

      Have a good day!

  2. No, I won’t change. I am that decent man you can’t see, blinded by prejudice. I have always worked for equality, and never been able to rise above suspicion. Now, I don’t even feel welcome at many progressive events, because I’m white, too.

    • Hello Bob

      You are already a good human and of course, a great man.

      We need more men like you.

      Yes, I agree. Little good sometimes, do get eclipsed greater bad. Still, that doesn’t imply we don’t value it.

      Also, don’t forget to keep trying even when you feel unwelcomed or unwanted. As if not you, then who? Moreover, good will always be appreciated sooner or later.

      Love and respect.

      Have a great day!

  3. K SHESHU BABU says:

    In a society where there are even eminent judges ( may be Ranganath Misra?) Who said that the best place for women is kitchen and later had to retract unable to face wrath of feminists, the struggle for gender equality is not easy. But, the fight must go on against all odds

  4. I agree with every single word you’ve written. To analyze the psychology of the male predators – rising up in a hierarchical order, from the stage of goggling and groping to that of raping – I think it has much to do with the way they are brought up from their childhood. There are parents, whether orthodox conservative or Westernized, who train their sons in patriarchal values and norms (which are internalized by their mothers also) like regarding women as an inferior species who need to be under male supervision and control (usually in the name of protection), and this leads to the next stage in their adolescence and adulthood where they suspect any woman who dares to depart from those norms as an object of ridicule or prurient curiosity ( expressed through goggling in tea shops), and the more daring among these male predators graduate to the stage of treating them as fair game for raping. In contrast to that sort of training, I as a young boy was brought up in a different environment by middle class Bengali parents in Calcutta in the 1950s, where both my father and mother taught me to treat girls of my age as equals, and bring to their notice any incident of ill-treatment of girls by the male neighbours. I attended co-educational classes in college and later in the Calcutta University, and used to spend innocent and delightful afternoons with our female class mates over cups of coffee in the famous College Street Coffee House. There were a few cases of some male student trying to transgress the boundaries of those friendly afternoon sessions of inter-action. But whenever any female class friend of ours complained about such misdemeanour, we hauled up the culprit, warned him – and if he still persisted, we gave him the last lesson by thrashing him. Today, at my age as an octogenarian when I hear about cases of eve teasing and raping by youngsters, my feeble fingers itch for collaring them and giving them a sound thrashing.